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Phat Tuesday On Southwest, Should Have Been Wi-Fi

February 16th, 2010 · Tags:Airports · Satire · Wi-Fi

I was flying on Southwest Airlines recently when I experienced one of those conundrums … or maybe a good news/bad news scenario.

Who don’t like sum good news first: The good news — there was an excellent Wi-Fi , wireless network available — boasting of speeds greater than 54.0 Mbps.

The bad news — film director, man of girth, Kevin Smith was on board — not only making the plane list slightly, but his shadow eclipsed the Wi-Fi router, blocking and bouncing the signal out of the plane and into space … making it virtually impossible for me to tweet about the phat Wi-Fi on the sweet ride.

“What could be worse?,” you might ask.

Well … I can only think of 10 Things worse than riding on a plane with bigbigboy Kevin Smith:

10. Sitting next to a passenger who has decided to try the new liver and onions with bacon flavored yogurt.

9. Watching the new politically correct, elderly flight attendant flip and roll his false teeth between his gums as he demonstrates the use of a safety belt.

8. Seeing the oxygen masks drop down into the cabin, only to be swooped up by the Octa-Mom, who is also taking up more than her share of seats on the plane.

7. Discovering the passenger in front of you is scratching feverishly, attempting to detonate the newly developed Al Qaeda dandruff bomb. ( More on Dandruff Device )

6. Noticing Tiger Woods is on the plane, hitting the stewardess call button like he would a fairway wood.

5. Feeling guilty that you accidentally slipped a pair of nail clippers through the full-body scan and pat-down search at the airport security check point.

4. Reading the computer screen of the person blogging in front of you and posting to his blog a comment about his bald spot, as soon as he uploads, using the in-flight Wi-Fi, just as he is.

3. Sitting next to triplets — two slim, one rather large, named Valerie, Mallory and Calorie.

2. Noticing the captain looks just like Hannibal The Cannibal, as he puts the plane on auto pilot, leaves the cabin and goes directly to Kevin Smith.

1. Realizing that although the flight attendants are actually serving a meal on this flight … alas … They are serving Jenny Craig!

Know what I sayin?

Actually … Wi-Fi On Southwest