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Funding PingWi-Fi With Dirty Gig — A Poor Choice Of Words?

June 30th, 2010 · Tags:Satire

Moral convictions and personal hygiene/bodily functions are taboos, in my opinion, when it comes to blogging. I try to tread lightly. Normally, I wouldn’t bring up a moral issue because they are so charged with emotion. In addition, I find bathroom humor to be bad form.

However …

This true story compelled me to make exceptions.

But, first … some groundwork … have you ever used a word incorrectly, for like most of your life, and then on some enlightened day someone set you straight? Ha! It happens to me a lot, say like when I use “set” in speech — regardless of whether I mean sit, sat or set. Oh, I know how to conjugate the verb, I just don’t for some very rural reasons. You can take the boy out of the country, but …

Another example … just the other day my brother pointed out that I have been misspelling “putting” for like my entire life, even though I am a self-professed word nerd. So believe you me, I am understanding, when it comes to word issues. Everyone has their moments.

I digress …

So anyway, I am not hating or whatever. I am pointing out how a few messed up letters can so-ooo make all the difference in the world.

Get this.

For the last two months, I have been working on what I call my “Dirty Gig” — a challenging job in the disaster recovery industry — which funds my passion (this Wi-Fi and travel blog).

Well the other day, the gig got really dirty.

Among the hundreds of flooded out houses we are emptying and rebuilding, it seems a few houses were hit with a black tide of raw sewage. Yes, the most unsanitary, gross, nast-AY things you can imagine.

Luckily, I wasn’t in that neighborhood, but my co-worker was and he tried to tell me about it. Therein lies my point. He intended to say that inside one house, in the master bedroom, inside the bed sheets — workers had found feces! Dirty Gig to the max! All kidding aside, that is serious funk … hazmat … so everyone evacuated (probably running and screaming) and specialists in protective suits were called in to remove the hazardous materials. (Picture Bill Murray with the infamous swimming pool Baby Ruth in CaddyShack.)

BUT … huge BUT … my co-worker mistakenly told me they had found a fetus. In my moral circle, there is a huge difference.

Now, considering that you, the reader, know the inaccurate information, remember that I DID NOT when I first heard about this. Imagine my disbelief that everyone was being so nonchalant about this purported lost and found fetus. Ha! Imagine the weird look on my co-worker’s face when I was so concerned and started quizzing him about what he knew to be feces.

“Oh my gosh,” I said. “Do they know who is responsible?” “How far along was the development … I mean like how big was it?”

I just kept digging myself in deeper …

“Could they tell if it was a boy or a girl? You know, how well was it preserved.”

“Is there going to be an investigation?”

My co-worker said nothing … I thought maybe he just didn’t share my belief system and the concern. He of course, thought I was quite insane.

“I mean, there could be an investigation. Depending on the stage of development, this could be considered some sort of criminal case. You know, foul play … abandonment.”

Oh what I wouldn’t give to have read the co-worker’s mind … He was dazed and confused, as I, the journalist, poked around the topic.

It got worse.

“Did we call the coroner? Man, that’s unbelievable … but you know, I have heard of cases where people actually put those in the toilet.”

“I know people who deal with remains. They say human scent is the worst.”

“Weren’t you just a little curious … did you look at it?”

My buddy just thought I had serious issues … He shook his head, got in his car and left, without explaining.

Then I had more journalistic tendencies and started asking other people what they knew about the foundling. Soon the story had spread about these “human remains.” Then finally, someone overheard a discussion about the fetus fiasco and set us straight.

It is a toss up. I don’t know if I was more embarrassed for me and my jumping to conclusions, or for my buddy’s poor choice of words.

But, regardless, I thought it was an interesting story.

Know what I sayin?