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Qantas Lands Perfect Score Without Wi-Fi? Coincidence?

May 31st, 2011 · Tags:Airports · Arts · Wi-Fi

Now this is weird.

First, let me say that I like little strange coincidences, that I am often accused of near superstition. Here’s a great example.

The other day I blogged about nothing … and it turned into a long drawn out tale, culminating with namedropping “Gulliver’s Travels.”

Ha! A few days later, I boarded a jet bound for Australia — the Auckland to Sydney precursor to my flight back to the States — and there he was.

Gulliver. That’s who.

If you know me and you know this blog, you know I checked for Wi-Fi first on Quantas … and you know I was quite disappointed to find zilch.

So I turned on the movie player built into the back of the seats. You also must know I would definitely pass over the film “Country Strong.”

OH … I did hear fifteen seconds of the film — long enough to hear someone crucifying Merle Haggard’s “Silver Wings.”  Enough!  Next!

I digress …

I clicked through the 14 titles, and there next to the end was “Guliver’s Travels.” You probably think I had heard about this version of GT … and that inspired me for the earlier blog … You have my word that I had no knowledge that the film existed. I mean … who can keep up all the movies starring Jack Black?!?  Certainly not me. When I referenced Gulliver and his Lilliputian adversaries recently, I was talking old school … Jonathan Swift baby!

So anywho … I fired up this new comical Gulliver and YES! Jack Black plays a guy sent on a travel writing assignment. (See how I sort of related to that part too?) When JB is first trying to get the writing gig, he lies about the places he has been. Where is the first place he claims to have traveled?

(Say this in a sing-songy voice.)

“New ZEAL-land!”

You feel me? Pretty amusing.

It got better.

I also recently raved about the flight attendants on Qantas. In that blog, it was pretty much exaggeration, hyperbole and theatrical content building upon a stereotype.

In this flight I met a flight attendant who puts all other flight attendants to shame. She is a Kiwi, but flies for Australia’s Qantas. So, she has a great New Zealander accent, with just a bit of Aussie mixed in.

When she read my t-shirt and I told her that I write about travel and Wi-Fi, as we boarded, she then turned and went up to the cockpit to check on it with the captain.

Now that’s service. Unfortunately, she came back the bearer of bad news. But I did not shoot the messenger. What a congenial host … which I have come to find is a pretty typical Kiwi/Aussie quality.

Next she helped me defend the empty row of seats I had lucked into. It got better again … She then told me there was a second empty row in the back and that she would save it for me, so that I would have even more room for my lard ass.

Do not pinch me. If I am dreaming, don’t be all spoiling!

I mean … I have only flown first class a few times. ” Katherine with a K” as she put it, put all those flights to shame.

As they say in New Zealand, “No worries, mate!” And double “Cheers!”

I am writing this in the air, on the plane (perhaps that was redundant) sitting across from Kiwi Katherine. By this time … I am starting to feel maybe a tad bit guilty for the most appreciated rockstar treatment.

As the flight crew were preparing the complimentary breakfast for everyone, and loading the food up on carts …. which would be served starting at the front of the plane … Guess who was served first in the back of the plane?

This is simply too good to be true … But I give you my word. And quite frankly, I was due after some of the in-flight misfits I have encountered on the last several flights.  Did everyone else get such great treatment?  Let’s be honest … Who cares!

So … like I was saying, NO WI-FI on this Qantas flight. Are you kidding me? What am I supposed to do …. OH … just kickback and enjoy being pampered?

I am good with that!

Never before seen in the annals of PingWi-Fi-dom — a perfect score EVEN though the venue or craft hasn’t even a glimmer of Wi-Fi. Yes Wi-Fi is my “motorbike” or “aeroplane” …. or whatever that hip little Chili Peppers tune is … my reason for being here …. But ultimately, customer service is the holy grail of any business. Katherine of Qantas is the epitome. I am thinking this, as if I am saying it in my best, imagined Kiwi accent — “I feel a bit special, ‘guv-ner.'” 7 pings!

(But, since you can’t clone Katherine … how about some Wi-Fi next time?)

Now, with a blog written … what to do with the rest of my time. Typically curious and somewhat observant, as a journalist, I look around the cabin to see what films the other passengers are viewing.

The Asian traveler in front of me is watching “Tron.” Imagine that.

Later, I fired up the remake of “True Grit.” It wasn’t bad.  I expected much worse, after hearing so many people blast it, in comparison with the John Wayne original.  Well … Jeff Bridges is not The Duke … but a pretty decent modern western.

Know what I saying, pilgrim?