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Supernatural Bench Play Among Fans Ensures Mavs Win

June 10th, 2011 · Tags:Cities · Satire · Sports

What was it one of my old coaches used to say? Oh yes, “I ain’t superstitious. I’m just not taking any chances.”

So each week on gameday we were all required to repeat various random things from the previous week, provided our team had won. One year, I accidentally wore the other team’s colors on game day. We won, so I went and bought sports jerseys for each of the other teams we would play during the year. Thank goodness the other teams were not purple … at least none of the teams we faced in our district.

Anywho …

I have heard quite a few comments about luck and superstition and game day ritual during The Dallas Mavericks epic championship series. This is fun, so everyone remember what you were doing last night during The Mavs game … what you were eating/drinking? What you were wearing, etc., etc., And please repeat Sunday.

As for me, I was dehydrated and experiencing childbirth-like muscle cramps from a 26-mile bike ride in the 95 degree weather over in Dallas. Oh, but point of order, the insane ride in the heat was before game time so I don’t have to repeat that. The cramps … well, they tend to have a mind of their own. But, if it helps The Mavs, I will do what I can.

During the actual game time, I was on the Trinity River Express, with my flat-tire bicycle, heading back to Fort Worth to see as much of the game as possible. I had been at Victory Center earlier, but decided to head west for the end of the game. So, as The Mavs were kicking some Heat booty in the first half, I was twitchiing and aching on the train. But I was not alone. Some stranger struck up a conversation on the rail. He was a somewhat elderly gentleman from Ethiopa. We discussed the basketball game, and through a very heavy accent, I made out that he was saying “Go Mavs!”

So … I ain’t superstitious, but not wanting to take any chances … the next time The Mavs play I have to seek out a funny old Ethiopian man, carrying a shopping bag with Pampers for his grandkids, who pops salmon oil capsules like they are M&Ms for his heart condition.

Anything for The Mavs!

The second half of the game, I was in the comfort of my Wi-Fi man cave with all the luxuries it affords, pumping in electrolytes with a straw. That can be replicated easy enough.

I mean … is it just me or is everyone doing crazy stuff as their part in bringing home an NBA championship trophy to Dallas?

This morning I heard about a group who have watched the last four or five Mavs games together at a West Village watering hole over in Big D. Each member of the group is required to wear the same shirt or jersey or blouse from the game before. They invite the same group. They order the same drinks, etc., etc. Ha … I think there is one lady who actually wears old pantyhose that have stretched out and fallen and bagged around her ankles so they look like Pistol Pete Maravich’s famous old smelly, baggy socks he wore down around his ankles back in the day — some of the most famous superstitious socks in NCAA and NBA history … OK … I made that up out the pantyhose, but the rest is true about the group.

And apparently this group projects its superstitions on to those around them. This part is true too. An informant in the group told me that last night during the first quarter of The Mavs/Heat game, someone noticed that #1 Some old guy kept going to the bathroom and #2 Every time he did, The Mavs did really well. This analytical person — probably that “bathroom monitor” personality in every office space — shared her observation with her group and the surrounding tables in the bar. The word spread like wildfire.

Soon everyone in the bar was buying rounds of drinks for the guy, to urge him on to the bathroom and a Dallas victory. Each time he left the room, — instant success — for The Mavs, not him so much. When he left the room, the Mavs would light up the game with unbelievable three-pointers. When the guy came back to his other chair, The Heat would steal the ball and make a run at a comeback.
So, the guy would get antsy when The Heat came within a couple of points, and he would rush to the men’s room. Voila! … instant turnaround and The Mavs would once more dominate.

My sources cannot confirm this, but it is rumored that at the point in the game when The Heat actually took the lead over the Mavs late in the game … how to say this? … someone had dealt a clogger in the men’s room and the facilities were temporarily closed. Again, we cannot confirm this.

But not to worry, just before Jason Terry went insane from beyond the three-point arc, with a couple of minutes left, the guy took one for the team. He took his glass of wine and barricaded in the bathroom for the rest of the game.

Well these days most bars and sportsbars have the game piped in — at least the audio — in the bathrooms. So this unnamed, unsung hero could hear the play by play in the bathroom, as he sipped a glass of chardonnay, sent to him by whomever.

As the clock ticked down and Jason Terry dribbled a few last uncontested dribbles with the Mavericks’ win decided, the guy came out of the bathroom.

The entire bar — several hundred people — were standing … clapping …. banging on tables … shouting … and praising this one man who came off the bench to help the most exciting team in basketball … The Dallas Mavs!

If you are in Mark Cuban or even Mavs Man’s inner circles, I strongly suggess you find this guy and hook him up on an IV for the next game … and hook him up with some season tickets for next year … or a Dirk shirt … or at least some towlettes.

Know what I saying?