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Stooping Low, Referencing Honey Badger; Other Turkeys

November 29th, 2011 · Tags:Satire

The days between the Thanksgiving football blowout and Christmas seem more blase every year. It’s also the time when I have had enough … left over turkey that is. Obviously there is a correlation between lethargy and overindulgence … I digress …

You know what really bothers me? Some folks think leftover turkey sandwiches are the best part of the holiday. All I can say is that they must be doing something wrong.

Old turkey makes me crazy. Let me count the ways. So, I says to myself, “Self, why not make a turkey list.” Here tis … my list of the Top 10 turkey issues that keep me awake at night:

Despite Tupperware seals, ice in my refrigerator now tastes like a frozen bird.

There is no part of a turkey that will go down a sink without clogging the pipes.

Turkey overdose naps are addictive and good luck trying to kick the habit, cold turkey.

Even honey badger doesn’t give a …. about turkey after 2-3 days of consecutive servings.

What?  You are the one person in the U.S. who has not seen Honey Badger? (language):

Should you eat anything that children sketch, by tracing around their grimy little hands?

My mom, as her eyesight began to fail, thought the Bluebell flavor was Carmel “Turkey” Fudge. (In her defense, it’s not like “turtle” sounds that much better …)

No matter how many times I see the rerun of the WKRP in Cincinnati “Turkeys from Helicopter” episode, still I am not compelled to send any money to PETA.

If it weren’t for turkey and our Thanksgiving traditions … well … would there even be a pop-out cooking thermometer industry?

To the chagrin of turkeys everywhere, my old friend calls the loose skin below her chin, her “gobble gobble.”

What is the origin of the name Turkey for an entire country? (Can a country lose a bet?)

Ha … a “gobble, gobble …”

Know what I sayin?