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Wi-Fi Hotspot Interruptus at 40,000 Feet, With Gogo

March 1st, 2012 · Tags:Airports · Satire · Wi-Fi

Ebola Alert …

I was sitting, “comfortably” crammed into a seat way too small for a human on an American Airlines flight, enjoying the sweet Gogo inflight Wi-Fi service when a gentleman came rushing down the aisle to the back of the plane … covering his mouth … and stopped to throw up at my feet.

Ha … all I could do was grab my laptop and turn it over to shield it. Somehow he missed me and my sandals … I don’t know how. Then of course, I got to sit there next to the puddle and try to warn other passengers not to step in it

How do these things happen to me? I mean really, out of all the inebriated passengers on all the planes you’ve ever flown … how many times have you seen a dude “sell Buuuu-icks” all the way down the aisle? Ha … if I were him — even if I were able to do so — I would NOT have left the lavatory for the rest of the flight. Ha! Talk about a walk of shame.

Meanwhile … I was counting how many people stepped in it. What else could I do?

Finally, I saw and alerted a flight attendant. LOL … She looked at me like it was my fault, when I pointed out to her that A: There’s the puddle and B: People were slip sliding away in it and spreading it up and down the plane.

Heck … maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned it. If enough people stepped in it … eventually they would track it all away from me.

Ha … the attendant asked me, “Are you sure someone threw up … maybe it is just a spill?”

“Oh, it’s a spill alright .. spill of somebody’s guts. Ma’am, me and my fellow sardines squeezed in here saw the projectile, thank you very much!”

THANK GOD there was not a domino effect, you know how people share the old gag reflex among themselves. Ha … that sounds like a potential scene for an “Airplane!” sequel.

The final word: As I departed, I asked the attendant at the door if I was due some sort of free travel coupon or vomit voucher or something, since another passenger had jettisoned all their excess baggage on my feet. No luck. She said take it up with the people at the gate, since it was out of her control.

“It’s out of your control? Are you telling me this guy was not ‘over-served?'”

Maybe the seatbelt demonstration at the beginning of flights — the spiel that everyone ignores — should be replaced with some barf bag dialogue.

Know what I sayin?