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Wi-Fi Guy Pings Schlotzsky’s Repeatedly … He Even Pays

March 28th, 2013 · Tags:Restaurant · Satire · Wi-Fi



I love me some Schlotzsky’s.

They were one of the pioneering eateries to offer free Wi-Fi, and at least in Texas, they are pretty much everywhere. (Darn it. I saw something about a Schlotzsky’s opening in New York or maybe New Jersey after I just left there recently.)

Anywho … great sandwiches and you can just blog and tweet and Facebook and IM and whatever in their shops — that is if you can keep your hands off The Original for a little while.

Quick side note: I first fell in love with their buns, et. al, in college years. I was managing a stereo store and across the parking lot was a Schlotzsky’s. Ha … I can vouch that it is a good thing that other lard ass “Jared” didn’t fall in love with Schlotzsky’s. Let’s just say, they are not recommended every day. But … I was a beanpole and did it anyway. Here’s the interesting thing. As I got to know the staff, I recognized the name of the asst. manager.

Her name was Cindy, like my sister’s name, and I recognized this woman’s full name because she had been a high school track star, so her name was in the newspaper all the time. Being an avid sports reader, I knew her name like my own … or my sister’s or whatever. It got more interesting. I mentioned this new friend to my mom … and Mom told me the rest of the story. My mother had shared a hospital suite with Cindy #2’s mom, when she had my sister Cindy.

Ha … if you have been following this blog, you may realize this is not once, but twice I have met people out of the blue, who entered this world, sharing hospital rooms with my mom, when she was delivering. Ha … we’re a big family so I guess the odds are in our favor.  And raise your hand if you have ever heard me say “I love a coincidence.”

So … Schlotzsky’s is like a member of the family, so to speak.

A couple of years ago, I traded e-mails with some of the corporate PR types for Schlotzsky’s down in Austin. We are supposed to get gether one of these days just to compare notes on Wi-Fi and travel and blogging. Meanwhile, my colleague in high places, I had several of your fresh baked buns in various locations around Austin during SXSW.

… Pulled the Triumph over in Waco and Hillsboro for an Original too, to and fro …

But sadly, SXSW was right after my birthday and I did not have a print out of the coupon Z-sky’s sends to me every year for my birthday. I used to say this about the fax machine — now it’s the printer. … I just don’t use or typically need a printer anymore. Everything is an electronic document or PDF or JPG or whatever. So, the way I figure it, since I am saving the landfills from more empty toner cartridges and lots of paper, I think Schlotzsky’s owes me dozens of sandwich. I mean … I can be entitled too, right?

Well, meanwhile the electronic offers keep coming from the sandwich people. The other day they told me i could have a free pizza if I bought a 44 oz. soft drink. Hmmm … If I ordered a 64-ounce schooner of Coke, could I have two pizzas? And would that piss off what’s-her-name in the White House? Ha … if that is the case, I am down. The bigger the gulp, the better. Or was it Bloomberg who initiated the war on soda? Whatever ….

Say … what ever happened to the Trenta iced tea at Starbucks? Did the no good, calorie-counting spoil sport soft drink warlords quash that too?


I digress …


So, yet another electronic coupon has come my way, and me without a printer. It is just wasted on me. Has this happened to you? Or am I the only one who is over the laser printer revolution?


Well … being the tech savvy (joke) guy I am, and because I am cheap and be wantin them free sandwiches, I contacted corporate-Sky’s again. I offered a solution.


“How about you guys do an app. like everyone else under the sun, so that I can take an electronic bar code coupon on my iPhone, and then I can redeem it.?” (You know, sort of like how I stick my phone in front of the scanner at Starbucks and it makes a beep and then magically produces a venti green tea frappuccino?) Let’s do that Schlotsky’s.


Ha … I just got the response from a very well-meaning, polite customer service rep. over at muffaletta-ville. He suggested I go to the public library and print the coupon. (Sarcasm spoiler …) “Yes … I will get right on that … and drive five miles, circle downtown for thirty minutes to find a parking spot, pump a buck into the parking meter, get a bruise near my crotch from the turnstile in the library door, fail to produce a library card because someone borrowed it and has un-returned books on breastfeeding overdue since 1990, do some fast talking and get in anyway and print out a coupon for albeit a great sandwich, but alas, just a $5-sandwich.”


How about we just work on that app., Schlotsky’s?


Know what I sayin?