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Oklahoma Braum’s Lacks Wi-Fi, But Has Culture Of Its Own

February 1st, 2015 · Tags:Cities · Satire · Uncategorized · Wi-Fi

Braums art


Braum’s is an unusual fast food concept.


I think of it as a go-to place in a small town, if there is no Bluebell ice cream at the supermarket. But it is so much more. Great hamburgers … generous fries … and a decent selection of necessity-type groceries and a few odds/ins mixed in … on the counter tops and at the end caps above and surrounding the ice cream freezers.


(Sort of like a modern, refrigerated version of Fort Worth’s Kincaids hamburgers/groceries institution without the history.)


And in a really small town, say like Sulphur, Okla., Braum’s “got community.” … Maybe even its own language, as I reflect on learning a colloquialism there. My first hearing this new phrase came about after a young cowboy asked his toddler son what he wanted to eat.

“Whatta you want, Poo Poo?”  Before “Poo Poo” answered, the cowboy said he needed to visit the men’s room before he ate.  Then he changed his mind, and said he would “make ketchup first.”  Make ketchup first? This got my curiosity up.  I stood to go watch him make ketchup, but he changed his mind again and said he would take “Poo Poo” to the restroom, before he made ketchup … you know, kind of loudly updating everyone in the cafe.  (Dang it … how do you make ketchup?)  By this time, the mom interceded and said she would in fact make ketchup while “Diddy” and “Poo Poo” went to the bathroom.  (I am easily amused.)  I soon learned “make ketchup” meant to serve it up in those little paper containers from the condiments reservoir.  I will never know why the kid was called “Poo Poo.”


BUT despite all the great people watching … and with all this frozen goodness and all the after-church traffic, I am sad to report the Braum’s in Sulphur, Okla., has no Wi-Fi.


Typically, in cases such as this is when I filch Wi-Fi from a neighboring cafe. But … no such signal available this day. So, today for my I own amusement, I had to rely on other means — the people.


To my rescue and as if for my personal amusement, came the loud conversation of a family at the booth behind me. I first took notice of them as a woman loudly proclaimed that her cat is the most persnickety feline on the planet … or at least here in the county seat of Murray County … some 29 miles from the Chickasaw Nation headquarters in Ada, Okla., 29 miles as the crow flies. (How else would the crow get there? I digress …)


This funny lady was relating the antics of her rescued cat. Why so persnickety? Well …. the word on the street is that her cat will only eat one brand of cat food.


Just in time, before I opened my mouth and butted in, one of the men in her party laughed and informed her that the cat will eat any food, eventually. She didn’t seem to be a woman accustomed to waiting around. So she buys only the one brand.


There was more. This cat with the discriminating tastes also will not drink tap water from its cat bowl. “The only way the cat will drink is from the fishbowl.”


Ha … nice visual … 🙂

The same guy at the other table beat me to the punchline again, “Do you have to keep adding ‘fish flavor’ to the mix?”

The cat-lover explained that it did not seem to matter if the fish bowl was populated or not. However, she had returned home once, only to find “Mister Beta” lying motionless on the floor, “drowned in air” near a mostly empty fish bowl.


Several suggested it could be an aversion to chlorine …


Then the Wild Kingdom anecdotes came to an abrupt end, with a blast from above “NUMBER 8-14 PLEASE,” rattled the glass in the little cafe.


The ice cream maid from behind the counter, with her all-powerful microphone attached to the side of her face looked like Madonna back when microphone headpieces were new cool technology … virgin territory … so proud of her new high-tech capalities and cranking it up to its full potential … in a pretty empty eatery.


I was just about to say, “Hey, we’re not deaf” when I looked around and noticed a couple of local fellas signing “Please pass the salt,” at the next booth over.

I digress …


The staff at Braum’s is pretty nice.  Cheyenne could talk binge-watching “Game of Thrones” all day.  Ha … another worker seemed intrigued that I asked if they sold gum, among all the other groceries. They don’t …


Then the animal tales continued one booth away ….


Yah, they did find a limp Mister Beta that one time. “But usually, we just use the fishbowl to water the cat. That always makes my niece anxious when she comes over to care for the animals when I am out of town. ”


That’s mean.


She told several more rescued animal stories … and I picked up bits and pieces. Including this Kibbles & Bit … err … tid bit: “I could only see the dog’s head. It moved, so I knew it was attached to some kind of body that was alive …”  Elementary.  She may be a pet detective.




Anywho … Braum’s bombs for Wi-Fi, but the people are really nice … But now that cat lady, she’s what we call a hoot in these parts.  She and her friends saved the day — 3 pings.


Know what I sayin?